Sideways
by FestiveJester
Summary: Billy and Penny have dinner together, and she unwittingly helps him make a difficult decision. Missing scene for Act 2. Slight Billy/Penny.


They were sitting on top of a washer and a dryer, respectively, eating strawberry-flavored frozen yogurt. Penny was talking about her boyfriend.

"He's a nice guy. He really is. There are just a few things he does that kind of…irk me."

"Oh?" asked Billy, glancing up. As much as he loved listening to Penny's voice, the endless litany of Captain Hammer praise that she had been regaling him with had begun to put him to sleep. Now, he was suddenly interested.

"Does he leave the toilet seat up? Toss his socks all over the floor? You see, if I were in your position, that would be a deal-breaker for me. It always starts out small- a few socks on the ground, whatever, but pretty soon he'll be fat, drunk, and unemployed, laying on the couch all day, expecting you to clean the house, make him dinner, iron his pants…"

Penny giggled. "Billy, you always jump to conclusions! No, nothing like that."

"Oh well. It was worth a shot…" Billy mumbled from around his spork.

She looked up, surprise evident on her pretty face. "What did you say?" she asked.

"I said, 'Oh man, this frozen yogurt's awfully…hot," Billy covered, lamely.

"Oh."

They both stared awkwardly into his bowl.

"…Anyway," he said, after a moment, "Go on. What exactly is it that you hate about him?"

"I wouldn't say I 'hate' anything about him," said Penny, thoughtfully. "'Hate' is a very strong word, Billy. I was just saying that…sometimes, it feels as though he doesn't have any time for me. I mean, I know he's busy saving the world and stuff-"

Only Penny could make a statement like that sound completely sincere. Billy rolled his eyes. Penny didn't notice.

"-but he hasn't taken me on a date since that first weekend after we met. He's always busy breaking up bank robberies and posing for statues, and that's wonderful. He really is a great guy. But sometimes, I want to spend some time with him. I want to go out and _do _something like a normal couple. You know?"

"Uh-huh," said Billy, violently stabbing his frozen yogurt and taking another bite. _He _certainly would never ignore Penny that way, given the opportunity. Captain Hammer, that arrogant _tool_, had no right to…

"And I'm busy a lot of the time, too," Penny continued, completely unaware of the fact that Billy was butchering his yogurt. "With my charity work. But still, if he wanted me to make time for him, I would. I just wish he'd do the same for me."

"Well," said Billy, stabbing his yogurt again for emphasis, "if I were your boyfriend- hypothetically, of course- I would always make time for you. You know. Hypothetically. If we were ever in that situation. I just…thought that you should know that."

"I know!" she responded gleefully. She looked as though she were about to actually clap her hands in excitement. "You're a really good friend, Billy. You're always there for me."

"I try my best," he said, a stupid grin on his face.

A few seconds of silence elapsed. She kicked her heels against the side of the dryer, staring at the ground and blushing. He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed himself for being such an idiot.

"So, I was wondering…" she began abruptly, "Would you like to grab some dinner with me tomorrow? As friends, of course. Captain Hammer and I were planning on going together, but something came up and he had to run off. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you went instead. That is…unless you don't want to."

Billy choked on a sporkful of frozen yogurt.

Penny's eyes widened in concern. She slapped him on the back until his hacking subsided.

"Are you okay?" she asked when he could breathe again.

"I'm fine. I just…suddenly remembered that I'm deathly allergic to strawberries. Oh no."

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?" she asked him, visibly worried. "Maybe we should get you to a doctor."

"I'm fine," he assured her again. "I barely even ate any of it."

They both stared awkwardly at the two spoonfuls of half-melted frozen yogurt remaining in his bowl.

"…So, do you want to go with me tomorrow?" she asked, trying to break the tension. "I mean, I don't want to impose on you if you have plans or anything. I…"

"Of course I want to!" he responded, a bit too excitedly.

"Of course I want to," he responded, much more calmly and casually. "Tomorrow. Actually…" He took a deep breath, hardly believing the words he was preparing to speak. "Why don't we go now?"

She quirked an eyebrow in confusion and amusement. "Now? At 3 o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon?"

"Yeah. That way, um, we'll know it won't be crowded."

She stared at him for a moment, as he mentally kicked himself for that stupid excuse. Then…

"Okay."

It was all he could do to refrain from choking a second time. He stared up at her, wide-eyed. "Seriously?! You want to go _now_?"

She giggled again, brushing a few strands of vibrantly red hair out of her eyes. "Well, it _was_ your idea!"

"Okay, then."

He stood up, feeling suddenly lightheaded, as though he were in a dream. She slid off the dryer and took his arm. He flinched away.

"What's wrong?" she asked, dropping his arm and looking up at him, confused.

"Nothing, nothing. I just…wasn't expecting that."

"Oh."

They walked through the double doors of the Coin Wash, a safe amount of distance between them.

"So…did you bring a car?" he asked, knowing full well that she hadn't. He had watched her come into the Laundromat plenty of times, and never once did she drive there. But he didn't want her to think he was stalking her. Which he wasn't, of course. Not really.

"No," she said. "I don't usually drive unless I need to. I hate polluting the air with car exhaust. And besides, it's nice taking walks on days like these."

"You're absolutely right! People who drive everywhere should be _ashamed_ of themselves. No respect for the environment at all. It's a shame there aren't more people who think like us, isn't it?" It was easier to agree with Penny than to tell her that he wouldn't be able to afford a car even if he wanted to, and that he used a rusted bicycle with perpetually flat tires as a primary source of transportation.

"Yes. But I'm sure we'd be able to convince them of the benefits of keeping the air clean for future generations if we really put our minds to it. People can be hard to reach sometimes, but I think that they're all inherently good. …Billy? Did you just scoff?"

"No! No, of course not. I sneezed. It's the sunlight. Awfully bright…"

"Oh, okay," she said. "Anyway, the restaurant I have in mind is really close by. It's only two or three blocks away. Just follow me, okay?"

"All right."

Billy followed closely behind Penny as she easily navigated a few streets, perfectly confident of her destination. She was smiling and humming under her breath, and looked absolutely beautiful under the bright rays of the sun. She was so vibrant and full of life. Perfect. He wondered if he should take her hand, but his own hands were clammy and damp despite the heat. He stuck them in his pockets instead.

"It _is_ a gorgeous day," she remarked after a minute or two. "Maybe I'll do some gardening later. Did you know that I gardened?"

He _did_ know that she gardened. He knew because she had written it in the "About Me" section of her Myspace, which he currently had bookmarked on his computer. _Hi! My name is Penny. I love volunteering, baking, gardening_…

"I didn't know that!" he exclaimed, trying his best to sound surprised.

"Well, I do. It's not like I do laundry and volunteer work all the time, Billy! You don't need to sound so surprised. I actually love to garden. And sunny days like this are the best time to do it."

"But if it rained, then you wouldn't even need to worry about watering your flowers," Billy answered. "They'd already be taken care of."

"I know, but there's just something really rewarding about caring for flowers and getting them to grow, you know? Even though it takes a lot of work, I'd rather shape them myself than wait for something else to shape them for me."

"Isn't it irritating though, taking care of one flower at a time? Especially if they're stubborn and refuse to grow for you, no matter how well you take care of them. What we really need right now is a storm." Billy wondered if Penny realized that he wasn't _actually_ talking about flowers. He had the feeling that maybe she did.

Penny pursed her lips, thoughtfully. "I guess it's all the same, so long as I have a vase of them brightening up my table at the end of the day."

Okay. So maybe she _didn't_ realize.

They were silent the rest of the way to the restaurant. It wasn't a comfortable silence. It was one of those _should I say something to break the tension or should I just keep my mouth shut and avoid making a fool out of myself_ sort of silences. Every now and then, their eyes would meet as they walked side by side, slightly out of step. Billy would smile at her, hoping his grin wasn't too wide or too awkward or too creepy, and Penny would smile in return and avert her eyes. Finally, an eternity later, her hand was on the door.

"I hope you like Italian food," she said.

He hated Italian food. "I love Italian food," he said.

"Good," she replied, and then took him by the hand and led him to a table.

In a few moments, they were looking over a menu. "What do you want?" she asked.

It was weird, talking to Penny in such an intimate setting. The two of them together at a table, as opposed to sitting on a dryer surrounded by swarms of old women washing their cardigans. Even though he knew it wasn't _really_ a date, it still felt like one. And the thought made him unbelievably excited, but also intensely uncomfortable.

"Whatver's good," he finally managed, and then added, "You decide." Four words. Okay. That was good.

She ended up ordering them both some sort of pasta. The wait before the food arrived was slow torture, sort of like the excruciating wait between E.L.E. notifications. Billy fixated his eyes on a family with three small children sitting a few tables away, determined to look anywhere except into Penny's eyes. One of the kids was busy sticking crayons up his nose. Billy looked away.

"I've never heard of this place before," Billy said, after an uncomfortably prolonged pause. Okay. Seven words now. He was making progress.

Penny shrugged. "I like to show my support for smaller restaurants. You know. Ones that are off the beaten track."

"Huh. I guess we have that in common," he said. She smiled at him.

Their food arrived.

"So, Billy, tell me a little about yourself," she said as she slurped a mouthful of spaghetti. Billy stared. Even her _slurping_ was adorable. There had to be something wrong with that.

"What? Oh, me? Um. There's not much to tell."

"I'm sure there is," she persisted, looking at him imploringly.

"No, really. There isn't."

She thought for a second, obviously trying to think of something to ask him about. "Tell me about your job hunt," she said after a while.

"All right," said Billy. "Remember that job I told you that I was after? The one that I thought I was really qualified for?"

She nodded.

"Well, I realize that to get this job, I'll need to do something that I'm…not very comfortable doing. So. Do you think it's still worth it?"

"I don't think it's worth it if it makes you unhappy," Penny said, all earnest eyes and understanding smiles. Billy gulped down a forkful of mushrooms and, by some miracle, avoided getting them lodged in his windpipe.

"I'll only be unhappy for a little while," he said once the food was safely down."But this job…I think it will make me happier than anything in the world."

"Really?' Penny asked. "Anything?"

He could think of one thing that might make him just as happy, but... "Yes."

"Then I guess you should go for it," she said with an air of finality.

They were quiet after that. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence this time. It was a thoughtful silence.

Penny finished off the last breadstick and glanced at her watch. "I'd better go now," she said, a bit apologetic. "In case Captain Hammer is back. I don't want him to worry about me."

"Yeah. Wouldn't wanted to keep him waiting," said Billy, trying to restrain the bitterness in his voice. And that was that. She left.

Billy watched her retreating form, but made no move to get up from his seat. He was thinking.

He had gotten her approval, sort of. Even though she hadn't realized it, she had given him her blessing to commit the murder that would earn him a spot in the Evil League of Evil.

_You should go for it_, she had said. If it would make him happier than anything in the world, then he should go for it. And maybe she would understand, later. Maybe she would understand when it was just the two of them with the whole world under their command. When all of mankind was cowering at their feet. Maybe she would realize _why_ he needed to do it.

He paid his half of the bill and left. Outside, it had started to rain.


End file.
